Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
