Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
