I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You can't special order awesome
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
