Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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