Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
