My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
