What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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