Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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