The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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