considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
