i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
