This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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