If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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