At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
