brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
