What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
