it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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