chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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