Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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