So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
