i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
