I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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