im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
