I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So many bounce houses so little time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
