i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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