ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize