you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
