Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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