Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
porn star boner night. come get it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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