The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize