watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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