I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
