The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
