it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
