I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
