It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
