All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
