if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
