you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
