whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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