I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
