Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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