I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Who died my cat blue again?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
