Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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