I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
