He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
