please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
