Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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