i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
