You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
