Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
