So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
