who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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