where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
