i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
