moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
