Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
