I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
