Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
