every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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