I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
