You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
