If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
