I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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