I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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