We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
